crater

I got a comment about my bloody toe first thing this morning.  I noticed it last night but only for a brief moment and not enough to wash it off before I went to bed.  But this morning it suddenly seemed like a bigger deal.  It appeared to be a centimeter in diameter and several layers of skin had been removed, either from a heel or from the sole of a shoe.  It could have been any number of times last night that this occurred.  I was stepped on multiple times by multiple people.  This was not the fault of my leads but rather the fault of my tired body and my decision to ignore this before I headed out to dance at 1130 last night.  I lasted about 45 minutes and even that was too long.  At least I looked good--in my dress I mean, not in my dance.  I wore my asian inspired black and white skin-fitted dress. Sexy, tasteful, somewhat hot. Many positive comments on my appearance and red lips.  No comments on much else.  I just got back from the sauna.  In this I discovered my bloody toe doesn't add up to much more than a scrape, a small cut 3 mm across at best.  I'm relieved, as this somehow makes me think my dance wasn't all that bad.

traviesa

So earnest are his eyes that I can only laugh nervously and comment on his gaze. He says, “yeah, it's important”. I don't even know what he's talking about. I only know how I feel. A mixture of discomfort and regret and a satisfaction that I can not explain.

I don't remember the first time we danced together but it's only been a few months at the most. I typically giggle and don't take it too seriously when I'm in embrace with him. I have a hard time following and the connection for technique is not there but there is a connection of mutual understanding and attraction. The more I laugh the more he aggresses. I pull back with my body and I am confused in my mind. He lets off and I lean in again. It's a game of yes and no, a delay of the inevitable.

This morning I woke up next to him. I'm not sure I ever fell asleep and I feel tired. My mind questions my integrity and my value, my actions and my motivations. I am tearful. He tucks my hair behind my ear and tells me it's okay, “I know” he says, “it's hard”. I ask him what he does when...and he understands before I finish my sentence. He says, “I pray, I just pray all the time”.